DRAMA

This is the worst thing that has happened to me in a relationship. I had a boyfriend (who will not be mentioned by name for his safety) who was all against drama. He INCREASED it three fold. I think that this is Karma from something that I did last year. If there is something that you have to tell me, please say so. I guess I want to know what caused it.

Moving

So I might not be moving to Texas, but to Idaho. With my mother. It's all cool, I'm just away from the love of my life. Please tell me this isn't the way it seems. Do I chose my mother, sister, brother, god mother, god father, best friend, Jim, James, and Sheriece? Do I chose Him, the love of my life, and Squishy, Lemon, Pinkie, Doku Hime, Ookami, Waffles and my father?

Other than this being one of the hardest decisions of my life, it's simple. Honestly, I know that there is a decision somewhere, because I have been wanting to go back to my mother's place anyway, until I met him. THEN I was dragged to the Farthest place west, Washington State.
I have been looking forward to seeing him again, but now I have a choice. What do I do? PLEASE help me.

I'd be empty with out him, but I will be torn apart by the vendetta I have against my father... Nothing Is what it seems. I know, but there are sacrifices to everything. I want my mother to win, over my father. my love, however, well, I'm trying to decide if he is worth it. you can never tell. i can't, at least. We've allowed our feelings to exsist for ten months, but that is all. I know that I love him, he expresses his love to me (however obscene it may seem).

I lost My Angel

I lost him! He is gone, how could I have let this happen? I just let him go. I forced myself to let him go, and I don't even know why I did it. I just blew up, maybe it was the pain that i had endured for so long, and it finnaly got to me. Ok, I admit, nine months is not that long. I don't know what made me do it, but I just got so mad at him, and couldn't tell him why. I didn't even know, I still don't. He's just, gone. I don't have the normal mental connection, I don't have feelings towards him, nothing is there. I think I can finaly fully move on. Move on and not have to worry that he is going to stop me from falling for this other guy that he would tear apart if he got the chance. It's like some darknes has lifted. I'm not sad anymore about being away fom him. I'm not in love any more, I'm, empty.

So this is my life

I move too much. I moved to Iowa, moved back. Moved to Port Orchard, then to Texas. Moved from Texas to here, and now I am more than likely I am moving back. Boyfriends are so hard to keep because of this pattern. It sucks! Yeah. I know, suck it up.

Doku hime

Kim called me yesterday. I haven't talked to her in nearly nine months. I could have had a child in that time! Kylea would have killed someone if I did. She has issues. I love her though. They are my two best friends in Texas. I was so excited. Her and master hate eachother now. They were homecomming sweethearts. I was sad, but happy. There is nothing stopping us from destroying his "ego" now. Lol. I already double crossed him once. I plotted against him with my ex and his friend, who was like my brother. I miss them. Alot.

According to her, nothing has changed, much. Gaara is still Gaara, Ikuto still Ikuto. I know that the group has split up recently, but it is still the same. I hope that I can pull them back together. Maybe I shoulden't. I don't know. It's upsetting.

Kylea's aslo going to kill me if I get back together with someone who I am oblidged to anyway. We never really "broke up", but Split up. I'm still his girl, and I think of him as my man. I know that we have both had other partners, and that a lot happened while I was way. There are things that were meant to change. I am far from the little girl that he fell for. I just hope that he can still love me for what I have become.

There's only so much that I can take in. I never thought that I was actualy going back. I always wanted to, from the hour that we left, no, when I saw that look He gave me when we were alone and he was thinking about it. That was when I wanted to run away, just so I can stay with him, untill he let me go. He thought about kidnapping me, but it was only a joke. I think. Knowing him, it could have been a serious intent. I sometimes wish he would have. I know that by now, together, we would probobly have ended. I think that is how it would be.

Loving for the Loss

Why does it seem that when you find you that you love a guy, you find yourself out of his reach? This sucks!! I move to Texas, and got into a relationship. Naturaly this one leads me to the next, who was in the group my first hung out with. THEN I find myself with a guy that needed me to be there. After him, I found my angel.

He destroyed three relationships to be with me. The grilfriend he had when he made his move, her best friend, and mine (she had a crush on him as well). He "took" me to homecomming. He got lost and was there two hours late. I cried. I actauly thought he set me up. He came though. Instantly he dried my tears when he walked up the steps. He told me he loved my dress. I blushed (It was given to me by my other bff Kim).

Naturaly I had a plan on how I was going to impress him. Common, every girl does. I held a little ripped piece of paper, my pass inside. I snuck him in with that little piece of paper. He argued with me about it when I told him he wasn't going to pay. He thought I payed his ticket. *snicker*

All I remember was him telling me he couldn't dance. I giggled. I think he glared at me. I was danced out anyway. Kim and I were danceing the entire night prior to him comming. I got a slow dance with Master, too! Then I remember his kiss. It melted me right there. My heart disapeared. Kylea (jelous one) tole me we did that alot.

His girlfriend found out, and told him that it was over, when he knew it was long before that. He always had a look in his eye though, when she was in the room. He eventualy left me to try to get her back. I stayed adn talked to his friend like nothing was wrong, and then I went to find my ex/ best guy frined. He let me cry on him, and refrained from saing "I told you so" too much (he has a vendeta against the guy) I guess he was right.

Three days passed and I accepted that he wasn't comming back. I told myself, that if he is happy, then I will be for him. That was all I wanted. Third period changed it all. The period prior, I wrote one of those notes that I wouldn't ever give to him, explaining why I think he did it. I still have it too. Anyway, he texted me as I was half naked in a locker room, "What have I done?" I was frantic. All I could think about was "is he ok?"

Half way through lunch, he told me "at band hall". I went to find him, leaving eight people behind to wonder where I was REALLY going. I met up with him, and he just held me. We ended up as a couple, again.

THEN I MOVED!!! NNNOOO!!! Yea, ended up in Kennewick Washington. Stupid, desolate place. He is there. This SUCKETH! (yes, I said sucketh, deal with it!)

So Much To Hide

I hate having to hide things, but I really can't trust people with the knowledge that I hold. Too many times has it come up that I am hiding something, and it has ruined my realtionships. The ONE person that I have told, has means to use it against me (I need to learn to pick the right people to tell). Why can't people trust me to know that I would never do something to hurt them, if I trust them enought to give them my heart? Is the world that distrusting? I know that there are certain things that they think I am hiding, but I can never get them to see that I am not low enough to do those things.

~Kanzen Tenchi